A Cat’s Ten Commandments

This is our version of “The Cat’s Ten Commandments”:

  1. Thou shalt not jump, nor flop over onto the keyboard when thy human is on the computer; nor attempt to catch the mouse icon running around on the screen.
  2. Thou shalt not grab the end of the toilet paper and run off into the hall, down the stairs, and across the living room at full speed.
  3. Thou shalt not project hairballs from the top of the refrigerator; nor from the high shelving; and definitely not onto the furniture.
  4. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television as if thou art invisible.
  5. Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human’s bladder, nor dance a foxtrot on their kidneys, at any time of the night, or day.
  6. Thou shalt not play with thy bell-toy in the bathtub; nor sing loudly in the bedroom doorway; nor attempt to violently rearrange the furniture with thy friends at 3 A.M. in the morning.
  7. Thou shalt not wind about thy human’s legs, even if they are walking too slowly; nor climb up their legs with full claws extended, just because they aren’t paying thee enough attention.
  8. Thou shalt not open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house, no matter how proud thou art that thee canst manage to turn that doorknob.
  9. Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down on it.
  10. Thou shalt at least attempt to show remorse when being scolded.

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